Tourniquet
by lit by twilight
Summary: Songfic to Evanescence, "Tourniquet". Mokuba thinks about one mistake he can't afford to look back on. NoaMokuba


Tourniquet  
  
~*~  
  
Oh yeah. I've been listening to Evanescence!  
  
Time for angsty fanfic!  
  
Angsty, AND Noa/Moku...ish. Be depressed! Damn you! Depressed...  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything mentioned or used in this fic that has a copyright attached. o.o;  
  
~~~  
  
||I tried to kill the pain,  
  
But only brought more.  
  
(So much more)  
  
I lay dying,  
  
And I'm pouring  
  
crimson regret, and betrayal.||  
  
~~~  
  
~What have I just done..?~ I think to myself, lying here, on my bed. The sheets are beginning to show signs of my actions. Letting it soak into the blue...the crimson. I'm not sure, but it makes a nice violet colour. Maybe it's just me..?   
  
Why -did- I take that kitchen knife? Didn't I have a reason to stay? What have I just done to Seto..  
  
I can't remember...why did I want to do this..? What was it..?  
  
Who...?  
  
~~~  
  
||I'm dying,  
  
Praying,  
  
Bleeding,  
  
Screaming.||  
  
~~~  
  
I am trying to think straight...trying to see it all. Wishing it to come back. Before regret..  
  
I think I remember now. What pushed me so far. I tried to tell Seto once..  
  
He got angry with me.  
  
"Stop that, Mokuba! It's ridiculous! He's dead, can't you see? Don't you remember? That bastard is -nothing-!!"  
  
He yelled at me. My brother...the only person that I'd expected to understand my feelings. He'd yelled at me.   
  
Was he trying to remind me? As if I'd...forgotten? That he was dead..  
  
~~~  
  
||Am I too lost to be saved?  
  
Am I too lost?||  
  
~~~  
  
That's the reason I'm lying here. Seto, I love you. But you really are foolish sometimes.  
  
But did I love him more?  
  
Could it have been him, who caused me to do this?  
  
I've wanted him for...what is it? 5 years now..  
  
~~~  
  
||My God! My Tourniquet,  
  
Return to me salvation.  
  
My God! My Tourniquet,  
  
Return to me salvation.||  
  
~~~  
  
I bet it was him. He instilled this strange love upon me...-in- me..  
  
And he caused me so much pain.  
  
Did he do it on purpose?  
  
Was it just...to upset Seto? That he acted like that towards me?  
  
-To- me?  
  
Or could he really love me, too...  
  
~~~  
  
||Do you remember me;  
  
Lost for so long?  
  
Will you be on the other side?  
  
Or will you forget me?||  
  
~~~  
  
If I go to heaven...or wherever I may go..  
  
Will he be there? If I ask him to be?  
  
Will he remember me?  
  
And what he's done?  
  
Why did he have to go..  
  
Why did he have to return?  
  
~~~  
  
||I'm dying,  
  
Praying,  
  
Bleeding,  
  
Screaming.||  
  
~~~  
  
I'm having a difficult time seeing clearly now. The blood loss is getting to me...  
  
Please, God...  
  
Whomever..  
  
Let him be there.  
  
For me..?  
  
~~~  
  
||Am I too lost to be saved?  
  
Am I too lost?||  
  
~~~  
  
I can't help myself...as my body starts to cry. My soul..  
  
As I pray for myself.  
  
And for him...  
  
When my loss is my fault.  
  
~~~  
  
||My God! My Tourniquet,  
  
Return to me salvation.  
  
My God! My Tourniquet,  
  
Return to me salvation.||  
  
~~~  
  
What if the stories are true?  
  
What if my prayers are answered...  
  
And I can be happier? Up there?  
  
Could it be true..?  
  
~~~  
  
(Return to me salvation)  
  
(I want to DIE!)  
  
||My God! My Tourniquet,  
  
Return to me salvation.  
  
My God! My Tourniquet,  
  
Return to me salvation.||  
  
~~~  
  
My body is trying to take it's leave.  
  
I can feel it.  
  
One thought reminds me of Seto.  
  
Another of his rant on my only love..  
  
But do I really love him?  
  
We are no longer in his world...  
  
But could it be a spell?  
  
~~~  
  
||My wounds cry for the grave.  
  
My soul cries for deliverance.  
  
Will I be denied?  
  
Christ! Tourniquet! My suicide.||  
  
~~~  
  
I ask again...for my love to be there.  
  
I lose the feeling from my body and it feels...as if I'm about to drift to sleep.  
  
I am the only one who truely knows, though.  
  
For Noa...I will never awaken.  
  
~~~  
  
(Return to us salvation)  
  
(Return to us salvation...)  
  
~~~ 


End file.
